I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
