I must be too annoying 4 u.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
