Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
