i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
