the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.