May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
