If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
