dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
