fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
