Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
