The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
