Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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