I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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