3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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