i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
