Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize