hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
