He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
