So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
