I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
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Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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