you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize