my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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