Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How does it feel to date your dad?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
