I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Someone signed my nipple.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
