aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
