I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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