I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
