I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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