I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
