i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
