I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
