I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
