so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
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I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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