Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
