Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
