So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
