I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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