Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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