No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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