If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
