Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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