Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
