I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
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do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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