Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
