I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
