Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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