Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
