two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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