I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
