Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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