You can't motorboat a personality
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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