It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
