As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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