...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
