I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
