but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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