Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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