We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize