I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I need moral support for this bender
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
