No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
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you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
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The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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