I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
