I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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