i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
