shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
